Transplanting 🌱 Trauma (Silence).

🖤The Sound of Silence ~ Disturbed

🌱The Sound of Silence (CYRIL REMIX) ~ Disturbed

In the last year I have researched, tested and integrated information on trauma. Its not a fun topic. Anyone or a loved one who is trying their hardest to heal honourably and gracefully knows these battles are often silent. But why?

Here are some reasons for staying silent that I've come across so far.

1. There's a neurological reason for silence. Research shows trauma or c.p.t.s.d neurologically lights up the part of the brain that excludes our language centres. We literally don't have the words. Asking us "what's wrong?" will likely be met with a blank stare.

2. We may be able to squeeze the words out: "It's not you". In this moment we are coping with an experience that feels immediate and in-the-present. Studies show that these memories are stored in the part of the brain that deals with immediate threat and NOT where regular memories are stored. Regular memories are stored with a sense of 'timeline' and spatial awareness. With trauma it feels like it's happening now.

3. The most common reaction to breaking the silence is pity. Pity is isolating, leaving us feeling more alone and misunderstood. Putting us in a box that we are attempting to crawl out of. In our minds: pity is reserved for those with a victim mindset and that couldn't be further from the truth. We have likely been on the receiving end of victim mindsets. For example in narcissistic abuse the victim card has been used against us in the most perverse way, so we avoid saying anything to prevent being perceived that way.  We carefully choose who we break the silence with. Searching for those who recognize the strength in us and are inspired to sit next to us in the dark until the sun rises.

So what helps?

We may be re-experiencing these memories with you because our minds inherently know it's safe to do so. Allowing us an opportunity to rip-out-the- roots of this memory from the "threat"/here-and-now part of the brain and plant it where it belongs in the "past is behind us" part of the brain.

Ripping these roots out from where they don't belong is painful and exhausting but necessary. Doing so with you, fighting these battles and feeling your presence is the fertile ground where the transplanted memory finds it’s peaceful resting place.

Things like your patience, safety, comfort and affection are incredibly valued. It will likely make us cry.

Celebrate these moments with your loved one. They are an opportunity for renewal, trust, closeness and growth.