The power of being True in Hurt & Loss

I’m seeing similarities to the 'stages of grief' when someone you love deeply, hurts you.

Grief is typically loss. Loss of something. What did you loose? A part of yourself? Or did you give it away freely?

I’ve met many who simply ignore and overide, stuck in an endless cycle of denial, boxing and burying and hoping it just goes away. It doesn’t.

Try really hard to bypass the reactiveness of ANGER.. where more damage can be done. Hang in there… breathe, meditate… have, grace, grace, grace! You’re gonna be grateful for the grace with which you carry yourself now… later.  [There are even evil people out there (narcissists) who intentionally try and get your reactiveness for their old twisteroo victim hood] Bypass, bypass, bypass.

Adrenaline cortisol spike? Exercise, burn it off into something productive FOR YOU.

Depression. It’s ok… you’ve been through a lot and so has your body, mental chemistry etc. Those experienced in trauma will know how “fight or flight” triggers adrenaline, cortisol and the “come down” sometimes way way down into the deepest darkest holes. CPTSD from prolonged mental abuse is something I’m familiar with. My trick not falling into that hole is reminding myself that I climbed out of deeper darker holes all by myself and this one is peanuts by comparison. Having done “The Work” in the past brings a strength and resilience.. altars the adrenaline into its other form: A Zing! a high, confidence and genuine self esteem. Instead of the heart fluttering panic attack. (Which is just your bodies memory and you can control which way it goes.) Another trick: focus on work and being productive. Use this to ride the wave of depression. You don’t need anyone else, no one is coming to save you and it’s very unlikely anyone is going to understand… so may as well put your boots on and start walking. Doesn’t matter where, anywhere is better than where you’re at.

Phew… ok now for the prolonged bargaining with life lessons of the past and also “seeing” the here and now for what it is.

Being realistic and understanding that the context of here and now is the only one that matters. You are not in the past… YOU ARE HERE. and where do you wanna go?

This is your free choice and is in your control. (Back to reactiveness) you can now choose how to react. Use some of that adrenaline confidence for added strength and resilience because. Bargaining can be interrupted by the bargaining of the hurtful person. Don’t let them.

Acceptance is clarity and moving on, finding a destination that the walking revealed… but from hurt its forgiveness. Realizing you haven’t “lost” anything. Truth is independent and if you were true? It’s still with you. True love, true kindness. That remains. Forever. Each to their own and all that. Forgive and let live.